do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
