So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
