we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
