I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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