I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
