i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
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