Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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