you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
