Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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