By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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