The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize