Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
