the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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