i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My nipple is on Facebook.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wear drunk well.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
