And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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