I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize