Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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