five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Too much gin, very little bucket
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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