Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
