i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
