I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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