I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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