Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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