His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
