we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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