I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
