We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
