Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
