The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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