i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize