There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
