his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
