Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
