Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
