I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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