All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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