Can i not drive my cunt home
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
