Someone shit on the floor
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize