He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
