For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize