Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
