I'm lost and stupid without you.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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