i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
