we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
