My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I bet he comes in French.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
