Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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