i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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