one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize