I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
