And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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