Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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