If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
