He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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