i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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