4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
