then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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