Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
