I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The Olympian is in my bed
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
