Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
