I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize