Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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