I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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