Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
