Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
